It’s been a while since I have written a relationship article..so here goes…B
If you have not been feeling loved lately, and your man’s behaviour has changed towards you lately, making you think that may be he does not love you anymore. If you are losing sleep over how your man is behaving then you need to read the ten signs below that show that he is no longer in love with you:
1. He has stopped calling you the endearing names he once called you – sweetie, honey, darling, baby, boo, etc.
2. He complains when you try to be affectionate to him. If you are sitting on the coach and you try to massage his neck or back, he tells you to stop because he is uncomfortable, or just wants you to give him some elbow room.
3. He tells you mean things that hurt your feeling in the name of trying to tell you the truth. For example, he will tell you that you are overweight and that you should try to lose weight.
4. He flirts with other girls right in your presence, and when you complain he tells you to do something about it if you don’t like how he is behaving.
5. He no longer tells you about how his day went. He does not talk to you as much as he used to in the past.
6. He goes out with his friends on weekends and never bothers to invite you.
7. He suddenly starts calling you another woman’s name – probably the woman he is now involved with – and does not apologize to you.
8. He stays out late and does not bother to explain to you where he has gone and why his coming home late.
9. He gets very angry when you accuse him of having an affair. He gets very defensive and starts shouting at you.
10. He never seems to understand why you are complaining that his behaviour toward you has changed.
If your man is acting like he no longer loves you and you have noticed that his behaviour towards you has drastically changed, chances are that he may be falling out of love with you. And if that is the case, don’t try to get him to do what he does not want to do – like staying in a relationship with. If you have told him that you don’t like the way he is treating you and he does not appear to be interested in changing his ways, then your man probably wants to move on. If that is what he wants, let him move on so that you can make room for a man that will derive joy in fulfilling your heart’s romantic desires.
Alot of these cases seem evident that there is something wrong, but what about more subtle changes? I dont feel like my man is cheating but more like he has fallen out fo love with me and simply “accepts” the relationship.
We’re always together, he doesnt try to go out and hang with buddies. We dont spend time together, we are doing our own thing in separate rooms of the house. We sleep in the same bed but on opposite sides (his feet to my head). He rarely says he loves me unless prompted. He doesnt flirt with girls in my face but goes oogle them in my presence. Sex is close to nil and (can I be frank?) very impersonal. He does say things like my weight has turned him off but what he doesnt understand is comments like that throw a person deeper into depression. Oh and yes – Ive put on some weight but Im not atrocious by any means. Everything is my fault or Im overreacting. When it comes to friends – they essentially have to pass his approval – which I just wont stand for so I basically dont have any close friends. If I try to be affectionate he shrugs it away – sometimes very rudely and even if its clear my feelings ar hurt, it doesnt seem to matter to him. We dont fight but I just dont sense a closeness. I mean – I know he wont let anything bad happen to me but at what cost. Should I be moving on or am I really ungrateful? Am I expecting too much?
I dont understand this behavior. Is this what happens eventually? We’re not married – in fact we’ve been together for years. He has no desire to marry. This is not how I imagined it.
May all you ladies out there find some rest in your relationship woes
I am so so sorry you are going through this – hugs. I had written a huge reply and WordPress deleted it ugh.
First of all, the subtle changes I agree may not necessarily be cheating as such. There could be someone in the background that he is interested in but is not sure whether to let you go and be with her since he has invested so much time with you.
You are not expecting too much at all. Far from it. What you need to know yourself is what is it that you want??? In fact don’t expect anything since he has ‘no desire to marry’ so why stay with him if you actually do want to eventually get married? He is currently wasting your time if marriage is where you want this to go.
The weight comment was not fair either and you should not put up with it. He also has NO right whatsoever to tell you who you can or can not be friends with. He is trying to control you. His behaviour is totally unjustified too…he is telling you who to be friends with….darling be friends with whoever you want!!! Don’t let him be the boss of you. If you are friends with someone he doesn’t want…what is he going to do??? I hope he does not hit you. I see you are with him for a number of years too. Personally I would cut him off straight away and let him go and do absolutely nothing. If he comes back, then you could work this out but let him work to have your time – don’t always be available on your phone…I am not saying to play games either..I am saying he currently thinks he ‘has you’ and so is neglecting to keep the spark that got you together in the first place alive…cos for now he is using you when it comes to sex…you say its v impersonal…and that makes you feel bad about yourself after right?? so why put up with it…the whole point of being with someone is to feel good about yourself WHILE with them…and to do sex when it suits him well its not fair for any woman to have to deal with or put up with that. I make a bet if you broke up with him and cut him off with no contact he would ask you prob to marry him…NOW if he does that until these other issues like who you are friends with etc are sorted out do not agree to it!! So basically why not try and be different towards him back. I know this will upset you to do as you are obviously a v nice woman..but he is currently making you an option as opposed to a priority so why not make him an option to until he can get off the fence and show to him you mean more to him than just a person he occasionally hooks up with! HUGS. I know this is prob upsetting you and I really don’t want to do that either..I just want to say you are not alone…it happens a lot to women these days. Take a time out for yourself and from him..do stuff you haven’t done while with him – and stop giving him your love so easily and see if that helps to make things more bearable!! Don’t tolerate him if he is not allowing you to be the person you want to be though!! Good luck – hope it works out for you in whatever you decide to do.
Iris I am in the same situation. He treats me like crap and we are not married. His behavior is subtle, it doesn’t fit any of the normal cheating signs but he has clearly stepped out on me. I am disabled so I cannot leave no matter what as there is no support when you are disabled and unmarried. I feel trapped, hopeless and helpless. I don’t know what your situation is but if you are able to work start stockpiling money without telling him. Keep it in a separate account and say nothing in case you need to leave. Best of luck to you dear. I am praying for you.
wow!!! this is exactly what I am going through at this moment.. stuck in a loveless relationship for years… (tears)
Same here he moves away when i go to hug him only kisses me when we have sex, its always me that makes the first move, he goes out with
his friends and this friday he went with his single friends to two single girls home while I was waiting for him he let me down our son down and then told me i was over reacting.
my bfwd dnt even cal me. i agre 2 it
Sorry to hear that Vicky…the more you ignore him I make a bet the more he will call and reach out to you – show an interest. Its sad when it comes down to this. Less is more in this case too.
Mine used to be nice to me when we first met then after learning about my previous relationship used it against me to make me feel terrible. but I clung to him, moved in with him and his mom after a few trials I have, she was nice to me too but now she wants me out of the house {long story} even though I contribute to monthly shopping and help out with the bills (its like it dnt count at all), he seems to side with her more times when she shouts at me (even though sometimes he says he wants to move out from her, he always complains when I try to hug him and even to hug him because he is always watching videos on his computer and reading. he gets annoyed at me easily and easily irritable. I don’t think he love me at all. its a one sided love relationship. I am always the one to apologise. I was crying one night for minutes and he totally ignored m, when I told him he really is terrible he said to leave him alone because he was tryin hard not to sympatise with me and that he would have chosen a time to console me. He is so caught up in his own goals that he only starting to think about himself. I can feel it too.
You confirm alot of what Ive been told – sometimes you need to hear it from someone who doesnt know you. I believe what you say, its alot harder to follow through with. I do love him as he is a good man but yes, he’s “got the milk without having to buy the cow”.
We’ve been together 16 years. =(
Thanks for your support.
Iris – hugs I’m so so sorry you have to deal with this – he may have your love right now but you do have the power to change that if you so wish to. You control who you let into your heart too and if its not working out then why spend any more time hurting yourself with this? I know he has taken up a huge chunk of your life and that is possibly why you are reluctant to go away from this predicament but perhaps a little bit of space from each other could do you both the world of good?? and anyway if its to heal and get better it will come back on its own…that way he is not sure if he ‘has you’ or not so to speak! Anyway whatever happens – am here for you and wish you the best of luck with it <3 xx
that was really sweet @justbarbara.. you are speaking the real truth!!
welcome hun
so true Iris
Iris you have said everything that I am feeling and going through at this time..been in a(n) relationship with a man for 12yrs, not married, and he’s not even thinking of it..im tired, simply because I know my worth as a woman
what if you have small children together?
Don’t panic. Give each other relief – don’t take this as a personal attack on your self-esteem even if it feels that way at times. You can overcome this – just be independent and don’t expect him to stick around. Let him make his own mind up – after all if he wants to be around you guys he will make it his business to do so at the end of the day. Hope that helps!!
I think my boyfriend of 7 years doesn’t love me anymore. We have a child together and I am a stay at home mother. We constantly always fighting about little things and it drives me crazy I love him so much, I can’t imagine being without him. But he has stopped calling me through out the day and texting if I don’t call or text him first he won’t communicate with me until he gets home and he only says a little and that’s it. He still calls me babe, Hun, love bug ext. Yesterday we got into a huge fight because it was fam day and he went off with his bro the whole day I was very upset since he hasn’t been spending a lot of time with me. So I called him and told him I was upset usually he doesn’t say much but this time he blew up in front of his friends saying he doesn’t want to be around someone that always wants to fight an hes miserable and i asked why hasn’t he said this before because he never shows emotions or says what hes thinking… He said he didn’t know he’s just mad that he works hard for me and my son and I jut complain but I complain about him never communicating with me anymore or wanting to spending time with me but can do it with other people whenever he gets the chance. I asked him why he was still with me and he said its cause he loved me and he has already accepted the fact that I will always try to make him unhappy. But something that hurt me is that when i try to explain why i feel he just yelled over me and passed the phone to his friends as if he didnt care what i had to say. I just feel like he doesn’t understand that I’m home all day with our child and I get bored and sad that I no longer have a life barely any friends and it makes me sad that he rather spend time with other people than me. Well he came home late and slept on the couch and the hasn’t called or texted and I’m just unsure of where I stand or what to say, I don’t want to loose him but I don’t feel like he loves me anymore like he used to. Any advice on what I should do.
Kim – I am so so sorry this is happening to you. I think you need to start to try and see by keeping a distance from him for your own well-being and start doing your own thing too. I know this might hurt you to do right now but its within your best interests to give it a shot. Are you guys still doing normal couple things together like going out for a meal or watching a movie together?? Have you done no contact with him?? the more you distance yourself from him the more you will get the answer to these questions you have – I know its really hard to do especially when you have a beautiful child together but you need to let go of these fears you have of losing him. The minute you let go of the fear of losing him then he may or may not fear losing you!! He seems to be leaving you to do all the childcare while he goes out and does his own thing with his friends. That doesn’t sound v fair to you. Does he give you the relief for you to go out and see your friends and do the same thing?? do you have relief / support from the child – like grandparents or a babysitter so that you can do things that you want minus child. I think you both need a time out from each other – then a time out from the child and then see if that brings you guys closer again. Absence does make the heart grow fonder after all. Hugs. Remember this might just be a phase too. All relationships go through love lags so to speak. But its how we overcome these obstacles is all that matters – have you asked him if he still loves you? if so what was his response? or have you both said nothing and secretly harbour some sort of resentment towards each other? Anyway just remember he is still with you and still hanging around on the scene so he must still have some feelings for you and care for you in some way. His feelings may have diminished but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you either. I take it you guys have been going out for a long time too so there is hope this whole situation can do a u-turn so don’t be upsetting yourself but perhaps if you guys try and get the romance back it will come back by itself with time. I think as long as you both don’t fall out of love with each other it has a chance to overcome and survive this trying period. Its normal too to go through these comfortable stages too. I wish you all the best of luck and sincerely hope it works out in the end for you. The less you do in terms of contact the better. I think he may think he ‘has you’ so he is doing less and thinking about himself more. Don’t be always available to pick his calls all the time too and you might even see his behaviour towards you do a u-turn. Try it…see how you like it and if that doesn’t work then don’t panic. Time has a way of healing things – its how we move forward that matters!
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Whenever I call him are conversations never lasthe always says hell call back and never does when I text him he doesn’t reply or will reply weeks later…he just popped up here and there..but when I would see him it wouldn’t seem as anything, like he still likes me but after I see him I won’t here from him in a while
Well lately he has been texting and talking to his ex on the phone. He just won’t stop and he tells her he loves her but when i ask why he does it he says he doesnt know.
i dont think my boyfriend of 8 years loves me no more we hav a child with each other cant c my self with out him hes a great guy put we dont sleep in same bad. im really sick and i know he just with me for the kids he talk about my weight and gets mad when i eat to much . he does tell me he loves me like he use to .he use to cry for me now he walk out the door and goes with hes friend .im no angel i put him throw a lot of stuff .i ack him to cum in my room to spend time with me and he wont .he always has excuse .we never have sex and if we do its beace i hav to beg him .and i found him talk to some girl on face book and i told her off and he was so mad he sad he would leave me becase of thisgirl becase it was he sisters friend he care what his family think put not me i hav no family hes all i have and the kids what should i do with out him i can make rent and ill b homless lthis is true life
it feels like wen its about sex we are bestfriends but without sex he treats me like im an idiot in front of his friends
That’s horrible, he is not a good boyfriend who cares and love you. I think as a woman you deserve so much better. He is a pig (sorry about the name calling but still)…you need a man that loves and accepts you for you.
I see a lot of these signs in my husband, but more it’s the subtle signs I notice. I don’t think he is cheating but you never know. More for us it’s the lack of communication and the lack of help from him. We used to talk about how each other’s days went and now we don’t talk unless we are arguing. He comes home makes dinner and sits on his laptop with the headphones in watching tv or movies until I go to bed. I am 8 months pregnant and my daughter is 2 so when she falls asleep I have to carry her upstairs and put her to bed. If I ask him for any help at all he gets really mean and rude and says I don’t deserve it and I don’t need it. He says I don’t do anything around the house anymore but being a stay at home mom all I do is clean and do laundry and take care of our daughter. we got into a arguement yesterday the worst one in a while, and he told me I always thought I’d love my wife. I was adopted as a baby and have found my birth family. My biological brother is in jail and I can’t afford for him to call me so we write letters. My son from a previous relationship 10 years ago is also in jail and we send him letters and pictures. Now I can’t write even my brother without being accused of writing my son’s dad. It’s not like I am writing him for me it’s for my son who is 8. He’s been watching the stamps and if one gets used to write my brother he gets really angry and accused me of writing my sons dad and insits he sees the letter I didn’t write. Apparently the other day I got a letter for my son from his dad but it was not given to me along with my regular mail yet somehow I have it cus he can’t find it. I don’t understand where all the mean and hurtful comments are coming from or his accusing behavior are coming from esp when he never talks to me other than to fight or complain about something. Or why it’s so hard for him to help me with his own daughter. he used to be loving, and kind, and go out of his way to talk to me and do nice things and none of it seems to happen anymore on a regular basis if at all. I don’t know what to do or think anymore.