How to know if he is not that into you – The signs

27 Apr

I think its important to know when someone is into you or not for your own
emotional well being. Its v hard these days as people’s behaviour and moods
can change in the blink of an eye. Its hard not to get frustrated. So I have
put together this post to help people know how to know if he is not that into
you. I saw the movie, it was quite good but not as good as the book.

I would also like to add that it has come to my attention that dating is not
– yes I repeat NOT the same as courting a person. Dating
a person means that they may care for you and will do things for you, txt you
a lot etc. Courting. Well that is a whole different topic. Been reading this book and
stumbled across this inspirational image below titled THE LIST of what to look
out for in a man. Courting basically means that he does actually want to marry
you eventually.


Anyway thanks to Alison Papalia – I am making this post to hommage you.
She inspired me. Here are the 10 signs to look out for:

1. He Doesn’t Plan In Advance


“If he’s interested,” warns Dr. Marshall, “there will be a future-mindedness to the relationship.” This doesn’t just apply to the long-term future. Obviously, if you haven’t been dating for all that long, you’re not going to talk about your plans for next year’s Thanksgiving. But if he can’t even book you a night next week, it’s a problem. “Healthy relationships are always forward-moving,” says Dr. Marshall. “Even if he’s busy the next weekend, he will acknowledge his busyness and mention that he wants to see you at some point.”

2. He Only Answers When He Doesn’t Know It’s You


It may seem obvious–clearly, he’s avoiding your calls. You should never have to trick a man into picking up the phone. It’s easy to make excuses. (He has to answer no-caller-ID calls; they could be from work), but the bottom line is, he should answer your calls because he wants to, not because he has to. Another red flag, says Dr. Marshall, “He only calls from restricted numbers. And because you don’t know his last name, address, mother or best friend, you cannot call information and get his phone number.”

3. He Forgot Your Birthday … Three Years In A Row


So three years is a little extreme; hopefully, by this point, you’ve realized things are not going to change. But whether it’s your birthday, your anniversary, your Friday night dinner date, or simply picking up the dry-cleaning that he’s forgetting, when it happens more that a few times, it’s a real problem. He doesn’t have the consideration to think of you when you’re not there. And Dr. Marshall points out how this can take a toll on you: “Birthdays and anniversaries become painful reminders that time is racing by and nothing has changed.”

4. Most Time Spent Together Is Between Midnight And Sunrise


Just like most living things, a relationship needs to see the light of day. Only seeing you late at night means you’re not a priority. He’s spending “normal” hours with other people, and knows that he can simply give you a ring when he’s done with them. Once this happens two or three times, it becomes routine, and it’s a difficult pattern to break.

5. He Doesn’t Mind If You “Date Other People”


Of course, when you first start seeing each other, it is totally normal to date other people. But after some time, if he wants to keep it casual and could care less what you do when he’s not around, then it’s time to say goodbye. “If he doesn’t consider you a prize,” says Dr. Marshall, “then he’s not that into you.”

6. He Dates Other People


Again, it is appropriate for both of you to “play the field” until a commitment is made. “But even so,” says Dr. Marshall, “you shouldn’t discuss your respective dating lives. If he’s not connected to you, he will forget about you whenever you’re apart.” If he talks about other women to you, it could be a sign that he doesn’t take your feelings seriously.

7. He Only Wants To Hang Out On His Turf


Dr. Marshall says to really look out for this one. “This is a biggie!” If he’s not willing to make the effort to come to you, then it implies that he wants you to do all the work in the relationship. “If he’s into you, he will be interested in your home, your friends, your life. If there is no interest, it is not a relationship.”

8. 90% Of The Time, You Call Him


All relationships are built upon mutuality. It’s important to take these little signs into consideration, and remember that you deserve better. Dr. Marshall advises, “If you do all the calling, he’s not that invested. Step back, and put yourself on phone restriction. If he’s interested, he’ll call. If he’s not, he won’t.” Yes, it will be painful when you realize that he hasn’t called in a few weeks. But it will allow you to realize that you do, indeed, deserve better, and eventually, you’ll be able to move on.

9. He Always Has An Excuse To Get Out Of Meeting Your Friends And Family


This relates back to the reality that if he’s interested, he wants to be a part of what is important to you. He wants to meet the people who you grew up with, who raised you, and who you spend most of your days with. “If he’s not willing to meet your family and friends,” says Dr. Marshall, “it is because he does not envision himself being a part of your life.”

10. He Told You, “I’m Just Not That Into You”


This may be the most important of all. It’s easy to rationalize his feelings and tell yourself that he’s going through a hard time and will change his mind soon, but, when it comes down to it, you’re only making excuses. “Believe everything he tells you about himself–unless he is bragging,” says Dr. Marshall. “In other words, if he says, ‘You’re not really my girlfriend,’ believe him. Besides, if you think he’s a liar, then why are you with him?” Face it. You deserve someone better.


7 Responses to “How to know if he is not that into you – The signs”

  1. Hi, nice post. I have been pondering this topic,so thanks for writing. I will definitely be coming back to your posts.

  2. ella 08/06/2009 at 9:51 am #

    hi, this is good.
    i like your topics – particularly this one and the signs of someone possibly about to break up with you and this one.
    good work.

    • justbarbara 08/06/2009 at 9:55 am #

      Thank you… I think it just helps to know what to look out for… just never know when you might need it!

      Have a nice day 🙂


  3. mandie 20/01/2012 at 8:00 pm #

    This has been a little helpful, thank – you. The problem I have is my boyfriend is a light switch; he goes through phases where we’re doing great and then he stops touching me, we sleep under different blankets, he doesn’t talk to me etc; I wonder if it has to do with his mental issues..he’s bi-p,schz and aust. we’ve been together for almost three mths. and last mth. alone he broke up with me four times and doesn’t remember it. I do care a lot about him but I’m trying to figure out what he wants. When I talk to him about it, depending on his mood, I get different answers. I really do care about him..

    To give you a quick overview..
    In the start everything was fine, I didn’t know about his mental state until the end of last mth. (which doesn’t bother me), he broke up with me because some girl said he cheated with her (couldn’t prove it) and it caused an argument..he went about 4 days without talking to me. He snapped out of it and without anything being said everything went back to norm. He broke up with me again because he thought I was going through his stuff when I was only moving it too clean (about the time I learned about his mental state), he came rushing home the next day during his break from work and kissed me saying he was so sorry. He once again broke up with me and I don’t know the reason, some how everything went back to norm. Now he’s saying he wants me to go back home (which he’s done before) and that he wants his life back (no idea what it means, he won’t talk to me about it)..well,lastnight we started talking a little more and he was a little more like himself, we laughed / kissed / he held me / and early this morning we had sex, after we fell asleep and woke up it was a different..he still talked a little more but when he was leaving for work he didn’t say bye, see you tonight, give a kiss or anything (these things are his norm). I honeslty need a better understanding because I don’t know if he’s in one of his mental moods or if he really means it this time (his mental moods normally last around 4 days and today is the 4th day).

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