What ACTUALLY makes a man fall in love with you?

29 Apr


1. A man falls in love with you because he knows he can be himself around you.

2. He falls in love with you because he feels SAFE expressing his innermost, private feelings with you.

3. He knows that you can handle your feelings. He can sense that. And because he senses that at the
most unconscious level, he starts to long for your company, for your touch, for your affection. He
may not even know why he feels this way.

4. All he knows is that there’s something special about you that he doesn’t feel with any other
woman in his life. He wants to take you in his arms and keep you forever.

This is what happens to a man… UNLESS he stops doing this suddenly…like one day out of the blue..poof.


It’s rare either you or he will know exactly WHY he feels mesmerized by you and wants to get close to you and pursue you for something serious and long-lasting.

Many of us are wrong about why a man falls in love. I think we all learn by trial and error. I hate
to say it..but its true..we learn. No-one is perfect so why do we live up to this expectation of being perfect or trying to be perfect around the very ones we love so much? if only they knew. Love is patient, love is kind and love is always willing to wait. So ladies, if he doesn’t want to wait for you – he doesn’t love you..simple. If he does wait to hold out to see if it works..then its a 50/50 – ask the audience, phone a friend situation..or trawl the internet..damn. If he says he loves you – then watch HIS ACTIONS v closely..cos people can tell you anything you want to hear…

A lot of the time, we think a man needs sex, or has to have a fabulously gorgeous woman with a great body.

We think a man falls for us because we’re sweet to him, and kind, and giving. ESPECIALLY giving.

So we do things for him. We cook lovely meals and offer deep, thoughtful advice on whatever
troubles him. We light candles whenever he comes over. We put on our sexiest clothes and buy lacy

We become exclusive with him without even a passing thought to what WE want, or whether or not he has met our needs yet for a secure, loving and committed relationship.

We give our bodies, our souls, our minds to him. And STILL he tells us that he’s not sure how he feels. Or he becomes distant and moody. Or he stops calling or asking us out as often as he used to EVEN THOUGH you feel he completes you in some way.

Or maybe he does something very hurtful, or cheats on us, or tells us that he doesn’t believe you’re
“meant” to be together. And yet because you STILL like the guy – you keep giving him chances and beating yourself up over HIS bad behaviour towards you. Chances are you have fallen in love with him BUT he is not sure he is in love with you.

This happens because deep down, you didn’t trigger love in his HEART. You didn’t connect on the deepest, most intimate level … his feelings. YOU may have tried. But somehow it still didn’t happen so you are left feeling frustrrated, down and annoyed.

SO–How do you connect with a man’s feelings?

I’ll tell you briefly what DOESN’T connect to him cos that I do know!

When you tell a man about what you think about the relationship, or what you did that day, or what
you think of the latest news you’ve read or the gossip at work, he listens. He participates in the

BUT his feelings aren’t triggered.

And so chatter on about your life, over-discuss, over-talk but leave out the one part that would
drop you suddenly into intimacy.

EMOTIONS. You don’t seem to know much about his as he will not tell you..he will not open up and that is because he is STILL not sure he can do so with you. However, you share everything but who you are. And why is that? Cos you don’t want to be hurt..maybe you have been hurt before…you just don’t know. ALL you do know is that you are simply protecting yourself.

You know if you take that risk you could end up back at square one..with a feeling that it is going
nowhere. Because you refuse to see that.. cos its NOT what you want..you end up NOT going there at all. Not talking to him about what you want emotionally…and why cos it could scare him…and you don’t want to do that.

So then, you put up these walls with him without even knowing WHY you’re doing it. You decide not to tell him the sorrow you felt that morning about something cos after all he already told you he is tired, not interested etc so why bother – it will just annoy him. You then omit admitting how the spring air made you feel alive and free when you went for a walk at lunchtime. Because he may have told you before he
doesn’t really want to know cos he is tired, has other stuff on his mind..whatever the case may be. Perhaps he thinks that YOU will give him grief..when in fact you are just merely listening to him, supporting him and being yourself..nice.

Or…you actually don’t even pay attention to your own emotions. You’re too busy with your own to-do
lists and tasks and with the chatter of everyone else around you in your life. You worry a lot. You don’t mean to. Yet you make plans in your head for the next moment, the next day, or the weekend.

But if you were to allow yourself to FEEL what you’re feeling, and then speak from those feelings, you would make him feel safe and connected to you. YET you try as best you can, but somehow..somehow he doesn’t get it. So you stop because you care about what he thinks about you too much.

It seems like such a simple thing. But for so many of us, it’s such a counter-intuitive thing. It’s
difficult. We’re not used to being juicy, sexy, FEELING creatures.

So many of us are programmed to be DOING, THINKING, MANAGING, WORRYING.

And these are the qualities that make a man feel nothing around you. These are the qualities that
make him think of you more like a “friend” than his lover. But you don’t want to be his friend. Maybe you want him just to be like the man he was in the beginning if only he would get it.

When you become a feminine, juicy, sensual FEELING creature, you become a “siren” around a man. Sometimes without even knowing! You magnetize naturally all sorts of men YET its not what you want. You just want him, right?

You magnetize him simply by being what you were always meant to be…an alluring woman who is soft
on the outside, but strong and resilient on the inside. SO girls, keep standing up for yourself – just be
careful how you go about doing it. Its so easy for a man to flip out and then think you whinge too much or whatever. What you deem as a simple communication to him can be totally miscontrued by him…he may even think you are just a pain cos he will think you are complaining about him EVEN THOUGH
you may be trying to show to him that you actually admire him. SO stay calm, cool and collected ALWAYS…EVEN IF..things get ugly..that way you are showing him..that you are strong and
that you are in control of your own feelings..even if you do not feel it.

Here is one more example, I have for you..and I hope it makes you feel a bit better. Time management courses tell you to think outside the box in order to better manage your time. But I guess if you want
him to actually fall in love with you..you can not make him..as hard as it is, you live in the hope that he will come around to your way of thinking but you can never be totally sure, cos you can never know what is going on in another person’s mind..its JUST an ongoing process..but having said that, you still must think outside the box. If things go bad..take a step back..relax, review and just know that you can get through anything..mind over matter.

We get so caught up worrying about the small things..when in fact we should just focus on problems if there are any, deal with it..and avoid mud slinging at all costs. Its so easy to end up firing hurtful
comments at each other especially if..we have been rubbed up the wrong way..anyway take care of yourself..and remember a man who loves you..will always love you for YOU..he will accept YOU
for who YOU are…and won’t expect a thing from you apart from UNCONDITIONAL love..

Here is another weird example, if you have a pet cat, have you ever noticed the cat looking up at you innocently…wanting you to take care of them..and you look back at the cat..adoring the fact that THEY need you..and that YOU are in a way responsible for them..so you fall in love with it..as you know that they will never hurt you with words, they will never break your heart cos they need you..and you look at the man like that little cat..and he may fall in love with you for needing him in some way (but not being too needy of course.) Time gives us the answers to any problems we face. So do not dwell in your past..stay in the present..keep happy..and do what YOU want to do..its so easy to forget yourself when you want a man to love you, isn’t it? and if he doesn’t want you for who you are..why fight for it. SIMPLY back off..cos if he is into you..he will go the extra mile to let you know. Have faith.


50 Responses to “What ACTUALLY makes a man fall in love with you?”

  1. becks 25/01/2010 at 2:31 pm #

    this is 100% true i cant believe it. i did the same sort of things listed.it wasent untill i broke into tears.he became so sloppy and all over me like a rash its like i taspped into his emotions by being emotional.? i always thought they dont like emotions but its a lie.they need it. xxx

    • justbarbara 26/01/2010 at 12:05 pm #

      Sometimes in situations like these hun – its best to take a step back and review your situation 🙂
      Try not to let any of it get to you – breaking down into tears from pure frustration will just
      make you feel worse.. Men have emotions too – they just don’t show them on the surface
      but they are there…so stay positive…chin up! glad you liked the article. I hope it gave you
      some peace….you are not alone… xx

  2. nemesis 09/05/2011 at 12:09 pm #

    that was very nice.ilike reading advice on love which i fail to put into practice.
    i broke up with my BF recently cos i found he was chatting up random girls on FB.i felt so betrayed and broke down completely.i just couldnt help it.i was falling in love with him which was a lie all this time.well,all i know is i never can choose the right man.

    • justbarbara 28/11/2011 at 1:56 am #

      Its not that you can never choose the right man – maybe he was simply the wrong man for you! I think you are being a bit too hard on yourself here. Your bf disrespected you by chatting up other girls whilst still with you. You did the right thing to break up with him even if it wasn’t what you really wanted. So what if you fell in love with him…I am sorry it turned out like this. I would say take your time with a man..the longer you get to know him the less chances you give yourself of having heartbreak just like this – hugs.

    • elizabeth seiler 12/12/2011 at 2:41 pm #

      Sounds to me like you have more of an issue with trust. Seriously, my man chats up hot women all the time and they chat him up and post remarks to his page, etc. He’s a charismatic, gorgeous musician and gets gaggles of absolutely gorgeous, adoring women following him.

      What do I do? Well, I just trust him. If he goes too far, I just tell him I won’t date him if he continues to act that way. And guess what? He stops because he would rather be with me (by the way, that’s when you know they really want to be with you)

      • justbarbara 25/05/2012 at 1:31 pm #

        I think trust takes time and its a privilege we give to our partners not an automatic right. I agree with you – you are completely right and I am glad you take a mature position with trusting your man – what an inspiration you are for others.
        Thanks to say all that!

  3. S.morgan 01/11/2011 at 4:41 am #

    Reading this helped me realize the love i have in my future hhusband,he fits the description,its weird about the cat eye part, i askd him one day whyd he love me he said it was the look in my eyes! And that i made him feel comfortable…hes really in love…

  4. Sinem 12/11/2011 at 3:24 pm #

    this is such a heart-warming article! thank you! I’ll try the tips out…. xx

  5. betsy jepchumba 29/11/2011 at 9:33 am #

    this is an encouraging article thanks

  6. Chasity 07/01/2012 at 1:33 am #

    Thank you, this article wa like breath of fresh air. I have been wondering about how the man I am seeing feels about. I can see how being myself can help him fall in love with me. That’s the path I woud like walk.

    • justbarbara 25/05/2012 at 12:27 pm #

      Yes don’t ever change yourself for anyone. Just be YOU 🙂 that is what he fell in love with in the first place – right…
      and if not who cares as long as you are happy with yourself – the rest will fall into place!

  7. leka 15/02/2012 at 11:03 pm #

    Jennifer you are great…everything you said was perfectly on point and the truth. I am facing some difficulty times right now with my husband so im just gonna let nature take its course along with all of your advices. Thanks for your expertise and keep up the good work!!!!! 🙂

    • justbarbara 25/05/2012 at 11:58 am #

      You are v welcome and I sincerely hope it all works out for you and your husband.

  8. leka 15/02/2012 at 11:09 pm #

    sorry i made a boo boo…lol my comment was meant for (justbarbara)

  9. Jenni 27/03/2012 at 2:14 am #

    More info than i planned. However, truthfully beautiful!

  10. heartsweet 30/04/2012 at 4:44 am #

    what you wrote was really lovely. thank you.

  11. serena 28/05/2012 at 11:03 pm #

    I agree with everything u have wrote. I love my man as he loves me. I have found when I’m feeling a little neglected I express my feelings to him in a way that he will understand were as I don’t sound like I’m nagging. I leave him to think of his actions and then he will always find away to make me smile or fell happy again. Men don’t think like us women they need to be told off sometimes they also need to be told there sweet loving all that. They have a need to feel strong and in control when really its us women that give them that confidence they need. We should in relationship compromise and I have learned that never change who you are as a person never lie and always try your best.

    • justbarbara 28/09/2012 at 12:49 pm #

      True Serena!! never change who you are for anyone. Just be happy and be yourself!! 🙂 sometimes its better to leave something alone then upset yourself over what they are or are not doing. The trick of love is to never stop being in love with your partner cos the min you do is when it all breaks down and leaves you with doubts etc. Be your own person and therefore if it all ends up failing you won’t care if it does or not cos you are happy within yourself. Happiness starts from ourselves first and the rest well its just a bonus and not a requirement. Nobody else is responsible for our happiness either – just you are. I’m glad you two can communicate these feelings when things get neglected a little…in fact its a good sign for your relationship…the more you can get over the humps and bumps together respectfully – the stronger your union will become with time! I wish you both the best!!

  12. yellow flower (@Flower123Flower) 24/06/2012 at 8:08 pm #

    it is true,-but what if its time to get over and forget the wrong person but cant do 😦 what can we do!?

  13. niki 13/08/2012 at 3:21 pm #

    i love it, this was by far the best advice ever. Here is my problem thou, i doubt evrything he says or do,i dont no how to believe and accept without questioning myself if he’s sinere, although i know he is…..

    • justbarbara 28/09/2012 at 12:52 pm #

      Thank you – if you doubt everything he says or does – I take it this is a relatively new relationship?? its quite normal to have some doubts in the beginning – trust is a privilege we give to a person and not a right and can take ages to gain…we have to trust and believe in the partners we end up with otherwise what is the point of being with that person if you think they are only going to end up hurting you?? time will give you the answers and let go of the fears you have from your past and don’t bring them into your new relationships…cos there is a reason those fears were left in the past after all…they hurt you…so let it go and enjoy your relationship with him and if it all comes together it will in time…

  14. Mike 26/09/2012 at 7:49 pm #

    Being a man, reading this was painful. It was consistently wrong over and over. And those stupid capitalized words made it look like it was written by a teenager. Ladies, men are not confusing creatures, the reason we are unsure of our feelings is either we are not attracted to you, we don’t connect on an emotional level, and we are unsure of how you feel about us. We don’t know how to read your body language, we have a hard time being able to tell the difference of flirting and just being nice. Genetically, our brains simply do not work like that, they are formatted differently from yours. All every man wants is just to say say what is on your mind without encoding it into womanese.

    • justbarbara 28/09/2012 at 12:05 pm #

      Dear Mike

      I apologize sincerely if this article caused you any pain to read and it wasn’t done to have a go at mankind either… the capitals were just done in order to break it down into easy to read bullet points. The objectivity of the article was not to cause pain for anyone reading. Men can be confusing creatures for women more than a woman can be for a man. Men constantly bury their feelings making women wonder what the hell is going on.. when all they actually have to do is simply be honest and state how they really feel. I am happy you seem to be the exception to the rule in the sense that you say: the reason we are unsure of our feelings is either we are not attracted to you, we don’t connect on an emotional level, and we are unsure of how you feel about us. If this is the case, then why do men stay with that woman and deceive her into believing that you are attracted to her? if they actually have over time lost all feelings for the woman and have disconnected from her on an emotional level. Why lead her on to the point where she has to read articles like this?? I agree that men do have a hard time reading the body language and all and yes our brains are significantly different in how they are wired which has already been proven by the scientists. If as you say, all every man wants is just to say what is on our minds then why do they hurt the woman in the process via statements like oh I don’t love you anymore or worse start deleting love you, hun or any term of endearment they used to use prior? love may fade over time but surely the man makes it his business to keep the maintenance up too?? cos its when the relationship isn’t maintained then that is when women usually start to feel this way – unappreciated for all that they do for their relationships. Any more feedback you wish to add would be welcomed to this thread.

      • nikki 01/10/2012 at 2:08 am #

        I’ve been dating this guy that has a girlfriend.. He says he loves me and he loves her too.. so I decided to end the relationship and I told him why cause simply its wrong.. He then told me he didn’t want to call it off with me.. I then asked him what do you want with me.. he said I want you but the situation is making that impossible.. I didn’t respond and I won’t.. I’m just tired of giving myself to someone who doesn’t belong to me or have any plans on just being with me…

      • justbarbara 09/10/2012 at 5:30 am #

        Well Nikki – what if you do get the guy and he finally breaks up with her?? is he going to cheat on you via someone else while he is still with you cos he doesn’t have the decency to end it – quite simply put, he should not be with you until he has cleaned that up first. He is actually being unfair to you. Perhaps you were flattered that he wanted you over the girlfriend initially but he is playing the two of you and I think it would be best to end it now before you get hurt any more. Upto you of course.

        If he could cheat on her with you, what is it not to say he will do the same to you when you finally become his gf? You see my point? Tell him if he wants you he needs to be gf free first of all and that you won’t accept anything less. However if I was in your shoes, I would run away fom this guy though cos how can you be so sure he won’t do the dirt on you once he is officially yours??

  15. Bridgit 18/10/2012 at 4:55 am #

    This article realli helped me bt im not sure what i should do about my problem. Ive been together (bt not a relationship) with this guy for over a year now, bt he still wont call it a relationship. He tells me he cares for me, spends everyday wit me, calls regularly, basically we do everythng that people in a relationship do bt he says hes not ready for a relationship jus yet. All of our frends and people around us thnk that we are dating, whenever they used to call him my boyfriend he used to correct them but now he just keeps quiet, can i say thats a sign that he is warming up to the idea of being my boyfriend? Personally i think i have fallen for him, how do i get him to show me his true feelings about us. Am i wasting my time with this guy? I realli dont knw what to do….

  16. Valerie 28/10/2012 at 3:04 am #

    My Bf and me have been together for 8 months plus. I don’t know why but I always doubt him. I feel insecure. It’s actually a long distant relationship.

  17. Faith dolan 30/10/2012 at 4:36 am #

    I think love is all about being yourself around the man u want to love you becouse in the end its all that matter,we ladies a special in our own ways and a hav natural charm that attracts the right man.i agree with ur tips.

  18. baby girl 30/10/2012 at 2:03 pm #

    i’m actually passing through a similar situation today… a man who was showing me lots of attention and suddenly he flipped as he started feeling attached to me while he has a bad experience of trust and thereore he became afraid from commitment and intimacy with a girl… with me

    i dont know how to deal with this matter as we show common like and interest in eachother and whenever we r together we soo intimate and he even told me that he likes me and he misses me whenever we dont meet…. but now he is asking for space abd back off as whenever we are together and after i leave , he is having anxious and sad feelings

  19. quiet1 05/11/2012 at 9:51 pm #

    What happens when he’s been in bad relationships in the past and falls for you? He then pulls away, will he come back?

    • justbarbara 26/11/2012 at 4:36 pm #

      yes I think he will providing you give him space. Sometimes people pull away just because they are not sure of their feelings….the less you do the more he will hopefully come back to you – I know its hard when this happens and I wish you all the best whatever happens in the end…just keep calm and do other stuff!!

  20. Candice 05/12/2012 at 4:46 pm #

    Men are stupid creatures who don’t appreciate love. Ladies, just date several different men, without committing to any of them. Chances are, the man you love so much is only looking for sex anyway…..so stop jumping through hoops. Women need to learn to just date different men (that doesn’t mean have sex with them) and experience variety the same way men want to experience variety of different women. The world we live in teaches men not to value love and committment from a good woman even if she is beautiful, smart, kind, secure and supportive of the man. Men usually only want sex with as many women as possible with no committment. I think women need to accept that their chance of meeting “Mr. Right” is about one out of one million. Ladies…..do yourself a favor, find other ways in life to feel complete because men do NOT share the same appreciation for love that women do. This does not mean women cannot live good lives without being loved by a man. Women can have careers, children, education and wonderful social lives without having to worry about a man “deciding” they are finally ready to stop being so selfish and share their hearts with a woman.

  21. Success succalito 14/03/2013 at 6:59 pm #

    Dis z awesome!

  22. virgo 22/03/2013 at 10:07 am #

    that was helpful barbara

  23. virgo 22/03/2013 at 10:09 am #

    how cn i knw if a guy has fallen for me

  24. modupe 21/04/2013 at 9:00 am #

    what makes them ? I meet a guy I like him, he says he want to be my friend we become close them all of a sudden he stats to withdraw y do they do that.?

  25. best way to make him want you 23/05/2013 at 9:29 am #

    Your style is so unique compared to other folks I have read stuff from.
    I appreciate you for posting when you have the opportunity, Guess I will just bookmark this page.

  26. Ellie 04/06/2013 at 11:45 pm #

    I am dating a really nice man I met in business. He is kind, patient and has a soothing voice. Over time I fell in love with him. All he says is that he is in love with me but not to the degree that I am with him. We are both mature adults. I am past 55 and he is the same. I am divorced but he has never married. He lived with some women in the past. The last one was over 20 years and then she refused to marry him. He had finally asked her. Every time he says that “he is in love but not to the same degree as I am. . . ” I feel badly. I don’t want him just as a friend and companion but for true love and wanting to be with me.
    We are also sexually active. He is intelligent and gentlemanly, attractive, tall and balding.
    I think he is for me but he’s not there yet? I am trying to figure out how to get him moving towards me. I don’t know what it will take to get him to fall in love with me.

  27. Assumpta 24/06/2013 at 3:03 pm #

    There is this guy that I love very much but he is not paying attention and besides I don’t know how to tell him that I am in love with him.

  28. sangeeta 26/06/2013 at 7:51 am #

    hi…it just happened the same way with me…i met this guy who sweeped me of my feet…n now im crazily in love with him, but he has become distant n moody… he is no more flirtyand also calls less often…we meet quite less because he has got more busy…its almost exactly the same as u mentioned above….how am i supposed to tackle it…i dont wanna believe that he came after me just for sex….i just want him to be as he was when he met me…i have faith that i have future wid this guy…but somtimes it worries me and i hve troubled him to with it sometimes to which he got mad on me but chose to ignore…

  29. MACQUEEN 05/07/2013 at 8:38 pm #

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  33. YP 07/02/2014 at 4:12 am #

    What’s next tarot reading? Human nature is human nature has nothing to do with gender and everything to do with biology, chemistry and the mind itself. It would actually be better sound advice to use examples that describe what kind of people are bad for relationships. That would actually make sense, as you could fill an essay describing a warped mind. Rather than focus on select personalized situations of what works or doesn’t work. Human nature is a messed up thing as it is, it is better to take it out on the bad fruit basket than spoil intrigue and suspense.

  34. alex ALEXENDRIA 20/07/2014 at 8:33 pm #

    I was IN A relationship with an arrogant self centered man for 4 year and had no idea of the kind of man i was living with. What am about to write now, is not a mistake its something am proud of cos i will never stand to see some irresponsible man rise my child. Until now i use to say i am the strongest woman on earth i mean no matter what a man throws at my face in a relationship i will always not let it affect me. Well i was wrong when you have a child with that man every thing he does that is not in your interest hurt you so bad that it feels like your heart is bleeding not cos of you something but mostly because of your child. The name i’m using here is a fictional name cos i don’t want anybody talking about me. Mike and i,were together for four years and we had a child a son together but we weren’t married. Our relationship was just as fun as it usually is in the dating stage i mean we went dates we text all night he call me on the phone just to tell me i love you. It was the best moment of my life aside from the birth of my son and he was right there with me in the labor room when i put to birth he never left my side i mean my life was a fairy tale with the happily ever after theme. When i look back now i ask myself why?Why did he go through all that trouble when really he didn’t love me as he use to say. It was hard for me cos he went from being perfect to being ruthless he made sure i knew he was cheating on me with another b**ch and went i was tried to go away with my son, he threatening to take him away for me that i came with nothing and and also leaving with nothing . I wish i can put this in film to make it more clear for you guy i mean he made me pass through hell. And he was really going to take my son from me cos he was wealthy and the law was on his side cos i had nothing to offer my son i mean i work three job and hardly had time for myself he used that against and i was losing cos i could not even afford a lawyer. Everything was spinning out of hand. All i had with me was the hate and pain in my heart i would stay up all night crying my eyes out cos i had nothing to do. But like they say a desperate woman is a dangerous one. In my quest for help on how to make the scum bag stay away form me and my son i contacted a spell casted i found online i have seen a couple of good remark about him and some most highly recommended him as the best in spell casting. Like i say am proud of what i did if wanting to be with your son by all mean necessary is crazy then i am crazy to have contacted Mutton Osun the spell caster. It made me calm when mutton osun told me he can help me and that he was not going to charge me but how ever he asked me to get the materials we use for the spell and i also paid for the delivery of the parcel he sent me with instruction of how to make the spell effective. Just weeks after i did what he asked me Mike dropped all the case and left the country with his new b**ch i didn’t really care cos i had my baby that is alright for me though i love him i don’t want a monster as a husband or a father of my child so i let him go. I highly recommend you contact Mutton Osun for help if you need any on his email godsofosunx @ rocketmail. com

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