Five Reasons Why Men Leave Women

12 May

I am writing this post as I feel it is of interest. Women always complain about
their men and well I guess we all have our reasons right but lets break this
down. If you haven’t recognized it yet, men commonly have a kind of RESISTANCE
to working through intense emotional situations in relationships. Women like words –
men like space. If you give a man space when he is annoyed and do nothing he will
respect you more for it just as you respect a man more when he communicates to you
what is wrong.

It is often these same few areas of RESISTANCE that cause conflict in relationships
and lead to men to pulling away or leaving. So lets get right to it..what are the top
5 reasons a man bolts away…like the speed of a bullet from a machine gun…

I would also like to recommend this book to you too if I may…

what women want

Reason #1: The “Pleasure Principle”

Men, and women, generally want to FEEL GOOD in their lives.

They want to have the people around them be a source of pleasure and comfort and support.

Yourself included. When you are constantly freaking out on a man for what it is about him that freaks you out, you quickly turn into one of the people that it DOESN’T FEEL GOOD to be around.

And this has a huge impact on whether or not he wants to invest more time, effort, and energy in
you and your relationship.

Or if he will decide to give up on trying to fix what’s going on with you so you can both feel
good together.

Reason #2: Emotional Experience And The Future

For a man in a relationship, the ways a woman acts in the “little” situations become indicators
of how she’s going to respond when things really are tough and in the future.

So if a woman is consistently negative and emotional… and can’t get herself together even
when a man tries to explain things and comfort her… then a man isn’t going to think that things
could be any better in the future together.

Reason #3: Lost Feelings Of Attraction

Love can be important to a man.

But just like a woman, if he doesn’t also keep experiencing the exciting and addictive feelings
of CONNECTION and ATTRACTION with the woman he
loves… then eventually EVERYTHING ELSE starts to not matter.

When a man doesn’t FEEL that deep level of connection with a woman, at
least every so often to remind him of why he’s with her, then he’ll forget why… and the relationship
will become just a whole bunch of “work” to him.

Whenever he thinks of his girlfriend, he’ll think of all the problems, frustrations, and negative emotions
and experiences… and he’ll see a future and a commitment as something that will make him LESS
in his life.

Often times when women are feeling distance or trouble in a relationship, they’ll try to “talk”
to a man and work on “the relationship.”

Big mistake if you want to turn things around.

For a man, he wants to DO things together (not talk) to know his relationship is working.

Creating a deep level of connection and sharing the attraction you have is one of the most
powerful and important keys to giving a man his own reason for wanting to be with you, no
matter what.

Reason #4: The “Neediness” of Co-dependence

A man wants to be with a woman that brings something better to his life, not take away his
time, energy, and emotional “stability.”

So when a woman doesn’t have much going on for herself in her own life a few things happen.

First, she focuses on her relationship too much as her source of happiness or unhappiness.

You can tell when you’ve done this in your relationships in the past when you’ve said things

“I can’t believe how I hardly ever saw any of my friends while we were together.”


“I can’t believe I let him control me that way.”


“I feel so stupid for wasting so much of my time on our relationship, when I could have been
doing things for me and my life.”

The reality is that no man and no relationship is capable of being everything to a woman.

And no relationship requires that you sacrifice all your time, life, and energy for it… no
matter how much it seems that way.

But our relationships can “trick” us into believing that they need all of our time and
attention just to survive.

Not true.

In fact, the way this works is completely COUNTERINTUITIVE.

Often times men leave a woman because they see that she depends too much on him
and has lost her own sources of happiness… and this not only looks and feels “needy”
to a man, but it keeps the woman from having much to bring into the relationship and
add to their lives together.

Reason #5: “She’s Trying To Fix Me…”

Every few weeks or months I come across someone who says or alludes to the idea that
“people don’t change.”


People often change their state of mind in an instant.

Especially from happy to sad.

Of course, changing perspectives, opinions, or beliefs can take a bit longer… but these
change quickly, too.

A man can and will “change” and compromise for a woman.

It’s a fact.

I have seen it many times before where men let go of their “bachelor lifestyles” for one
special woman, and change a ton about their social lives.

But this only happens when a man has HIS OWN REASONS to change.

It NEVER works, or lasts, if a man simply tries to change for a woman,
or for the sake of the relationship.

There’s a rule I like to use in my life whenever I come to a situation where I’m trying to
align my own desires or goals with someone else’s:

“All motivation is self-interest.”

In other words, if you’re trying to create a great situation with a man, you’re going to need
to understand what HIS REASONS are going to be for doing the work on
his end to make it happen.

But lots of women try and get a man to change by showing a man how it affects THEM, not him.

This is the exact opposite of understanding that people are motivated by the things that THEYWANT, and not what others feel and want.

It takes some maturity to accept that other people (men) have their own unique way of seeing
things and wanting what they want (to stay and work things out, or not).

But once you learn to accept these things and start to work with them instead of against them,
life gets a whole lot easier.

And a whole lot more fun. So those are 5 of the most common reasons and situations about why
men leave women and relationships.

One of the most important things underlying all these 5 reasons is the EMOTIONAL EXPERIENCE that you create with a man.

I think of the emotional experience that you share with a man in your relationship as the door
through which your relationship will either open up and move forward…

Or on the other hand, as the barrier that causes a relationship to stay shut and go nowhere.

And I look at COMMITMENT as a man and a woman agreeing to open the
door together and walk through it.

But the truth is that men don’t COMMIT for the same reasons most women do.

They don’t think about, talk about, or want to walk through the door the same way most women do.

That’s why the “process” by which most men commit is different.

For most women, there’s often a kind of tension and resistance built into moving forward in a
relationship with a man.

And I’m not just talking about the spoken words of that make a commitment… but about the
“emotional commitment” a man has inside with you.

If a man is deeply committed to you and your relationship on an emotional level, then any
“issues” you run into are just going to be “bumps in the road” to him. And he’ll be confident,
comfortable, open, and secure with you in working them out.

But if a man ISN’T “emotionally committed” to you, then each and every
little problem is going to cause him to get irritated, frustrated, and have him wanting to blame
you and withdraw.

Which is, in turn, going to make things much less CERTAIN for you.

Conclusion: Take your time in your relationship because sometimes your perception can
actually cloud the reality of what is going on in your life.


19 Responses to “Five Reasons Why Men Leave Women”

  1. black high heel shoes 14/06/2009 at 10:31 am #

    YAA Adding this to my bookmarks. Thank You

  2. gbaby 06/05/2010 at 3:56 pm #

    I feel dumb my man is in that deep connection level and constantly I look for little things that seem like problems to me..but most time is money related and let’s be real money is important if you are in my situation but after reading this it all makes perfect sense and now I won’t ever sweat the small stuff because this man loves me..

    • justbarbara 07/05/2010 at 2:40 pm #

      I am glad it has helped you. I think compromise is key when it comes to a money problem. Easier said then done I know.. but you are not dumb after all you have probably been reading up a lot on how to resolve your situation and usually when you have a problem – awareness is key to fixing it. I am happy this article has given you a peace of mind to your own predicament..

  3. Tristan 09/09/2010 at 8:08 am #

    I’m a man and I have to say that this article is right on the spot. It’s good advice for women that they should take. I agree with a lot of it and am quite suprised to find out that the author of this website is a women.

    • justbarbara 12/09/2010 at 1:48 pm #

      Thanks Tristan – yes its funny that a woman could think kinda like a man…I guess that is what they call thinking outside the box lol 😉

  4. Gabrielle 02/02/2011 at 9:58 pm #

    After my divorce I really wanted to research what makes men so different, I knew they were but the book you referred us to makes so much sense that all girls should be required to read it before dating. It is a no nonsense understanding of a man’s need for space and respect and to be able to have a soft spot to land. I have always loved men, but now I solidly understand why they do what they do and how to best be who I am with them!

  5. Logan 21/11/2011 at 11:21 pm #

    So how do you create the emotional commitment? What makes a man stay emotional committed?

  6. Selia Gloria Serna 02/03/2012 at 3:43 am #

    my relationship with my husband is over, how do i move on?

    • justbarbara 25/05/2012 at 12:02 pm #

      By learning what went wrong in this relationship and not letting it GET to you not letting it hurt you. Accepting its over is key to moving on.

      Once you have accepted then take the time to do projects and stuff you neglected to do when you were together. People
      feelings can change over time and its hard to realize that something you thought was forever turned out to be for never.
      Time and a change in your thoughts might help you. Remember we do control our thoughts. Maybe that is why you are in pain
      cos you are crying on the inside about it being over instead of looking at all the nice things you can take from this situation.
      I am sure you have learned much more about yourself then before you got with him. Perhaps this will help your next relationship be even better! There is a silver lining to this. I wish you luck and I am here for you always if you need me.

  7. Selia Gloria Serna 02/03/2012 at 3:44 am #

    thanks for this it will com in handy in my next relationship

  8. Samson Williams 01/07/2012 at 6:17 am #

    I really agree with you, thanks for this post, I will always come back for more. Keep up the good work. I also found some useful information on this website too

  9. judithodongo 16/04/2013 at 10:02 am #

    Reblogged this on judithodongo.

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  12. justbarbara 22/05/2009 at 11:38 am #

    Thank you!!


  1. 3 Reasons Men Leave A Relationship | Meet Couples - 17/05/2009

    […] Five Reasons Why Men Leave Women […]

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