Unavailable Men…. avoid if you can

8 Jun

I want to write about a pet peeve I have.

Unavailable men… The men who are always wonderful at the start of a relationship and make you believe they are available but are not really. The men who may even go as far as to tell you that they want to marry you etc. but then disappear when things hit the crunch line.

You know it’s bad for you to continue to be involved with an unavailable man, but you can’t HELP YOURSELF.

BUT you actually can help yourself. You just don’t realize it right now because you still feel absolutely addicted to him. You can’t stop yourself from answering the phone when he’s calling, from texting him back, from reading his e-mails and you certainly never say “no” when he asks to see you. SO you end up feeling helpless..and somewhat annoyed that you gave so much power to him in a way.

You are drawn to him. You don’t know precisely why but you feel great when you’re with him, but horrible and sad when you’re not. And you can’t get him out of your mind and out of your heart.

You dream about him day and night. You keep wishing things will change or he’ll come around, but he never does. What makes it worse is if you might even be sleeping with this man, because then you are hormonally, chemically GLUED to him which makes you even more emotionally attached to him. I always found it weird how a man can emotionally detach more easily then a woman.

Instead of ignoring his calls and texts, you analyze every single word that he tells you, or replay it in your mind over and over – especially if he tells you something about the way he FEELS about you.

It’s an Imaginary Relationship at its worst.
Drum Roll…IT IS YOUR FAIRYTALE… Yes step right up…the circus has arrived

WHY? because we tend to project what we want out of a relationship onto our partners when in fact the reality may be far removed from what we want it to be so we blot that out on the hope that it will go in the right direction eventually because you know what…he will see the light…OR so you think…BUT you can never know. TIME has that answer. So again patience has to kick in. Don’t depend on him to make you happy. Friends can help there.

How do you know for sure that this is a bad situation?? – well because it:

1. Trashes your self-esteem and it’s keeping you STUCK. You feel frustrated and miserable! But as much as you know you need to end it, you have absolutely NO willpower right now to avoid him or to tell him goodbye for good. BUT that is where you have to stop being a victim and regain the control you once had.

2. Then you go off to your friends and you tell them that you love him and that is why you have put up with it and not done anything FOR YOU.

Uh-uh..wrong. There’s one best cure for this kind of addiction, and that’s to immediately start to ignore and forget their existence otherwise you will constantly get yourself into a knot and end up being v hard on yourself. What if you were to learn that perhaps he wasn’t as upset about things as you currently are? Don’t want to annoy but it is a possibility. I am sure he is just as upset as you… but he left didn’t he? so you gotta wonder why and if he wanted that…then why are you beating yourself up about it?? Normal too might I add.

Anyway don’t panic! Once you feel in better form, do something for yourself and well simply give yourself time to mourn whatever, if he does absolutely nothing in terms of contact by 2-3 weeks…then go…seriously, why wait? OKAY so lets say you were with the person for years…well set them a deadline for yourself and try to stick to it… because you deserve love too.

We all do the wait and see game at the end of a relationship HOPING that it will work out for the best. BUT you know he decided to be unavailable. He chose that path. He made himself clear. SO you must respect his wishes and give him what he wants which is to be without you..Besides if he can’t see how wonderful
you are as it is, why waste your time in this vicious often recurrent loop. If the guy doesn’t do a thing by 2-3 weeks in terms of contact. GO OUT and Circular Date and get happy again. You don’t have to be with anyone. In fact, if it was a really crap break-up and stuff maybe give yourself 3 months of ME time…before you decide to go back…into the dating world. WHY…it is for your own self respect. Think of it like a funeral too. Maybe by doing that it can help you accept what has happened. It still sucks BUT it might just help you come to terms with things.

No matter how much you don’t want to, you absolutely MUST extract your heart from this man and start dating other people. After all, he could be doing that to you. You just don’t know. Like I said, I wouldn’t do it until after AT LEAST the 2-3 wk deadline.

It’s the best way to actually get you to feel good enough about yourself and regain the confidence he stole away from you when he let you down. You must now boost your self-esteem and gradually bring yourself up
to have the strength to end your addiction to Mr. Unavailable.

If you’re in this situation right now, I know the hardest thing to think about is where to even START as they have left you in a complete turmoil.

You’re so addicted, hormonally, emotionally, spiritually, that you don’t even want to THINK about the idea of another man. This is exactly why you MUST. Wait though because you don’t want a rebound either, only after the deadline has passed.

Otherwise, nothing is going to change for you, and you’ll continue to keep feeling worse and worse. If a man wants you…he will make it his business to make you a priority! ACTIONS speak louder then words….

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4 Responses to “Unavailable Men…. avoid if you can”

  1. Christine 22/08/2009 at 12:42 am #

    Fantastic! just went through this myself. It felt great to text him that I deserve to be somebodies significant other and would rather be alone than not be. I won’t settle for anything less!
    Eat your heart out loser!

    • justbarbara 22/08/2009 at 8:55 pm #

      Yes Christine, you keep your standards and chin up… 🙂

  2. Nancie 28/11/2011 at 2:10 pm #

    You are a great writer and great person! Every time I get HIM out of my mind and heart he comes back around. It’s like he has some kind of radar on me! I’ve tried to date other people but I just couldn’t do it becuase my heart was stuck on HIM! I don’t know what will happen next. He wants to ‘talk’….after 14 years of back and forth in a relationshit! Thanks for being you, Barbara!

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