How to know if he is controlling?

17 Jun

How to know if he is controlling? How do you really know for sure?
He will study you a lot in the initial days of dating.

What do you look out for – well observe his mannerisms. If he is controlling, he will be nice to you initially as he must establish control over you to get the relationship that HE wants.. NOT necessarily what YOU want.

1 If you suggest a restaurant, he will suggest another one instead.
2 He will try to suggest where the two of you sit in the restaurant.
3 He may arrange a time and then change it at the last minute.
4 He will not feel comfortable unless he is making the decisions ALL the time.
5 He wants to show you who is in charge from the very first days.
6 He wants to be sure you will let him do it.
7 You may go along to be polite. Be careful not to be too nice about these things.
8 The reason he is invoking these habits is so that you completely succomb to his authority.
9 When you are out with him, he will try his best to increase his power over you. He is also aware of the power of money and so he knows the more he does for you, the more you will be grateful to him and the less likely it is for you to walk away from him.
10 He is the one who always decided when and where the two of you get together.
11 He will extend the dates until you are exhausted, contact you at unexpected times and pressure you to see him and basically do anything that gets you dancing to his tune.
12 He will ask a lot about your activities about who you see – now he may just be interested to know about you more BUT in the back of his mind, he wants you to get used to being accountable to him.
13 If you explain to him the importance of being nice when you are with him, he will probably accuse you of being ‘mean’ or ‘cruel’ if you object to his behaviour.
14 If you have told him that justice is important to you, he will accuse you of being ‘unfair.’ He will majority of the time blame you for his own behaviour. He does this in order to invoke an emotional response in you. Again another power-play.
15 He will have practised responses to answer your criticisms. He may even turn things back on you and make you feel guilty for questioning him. ALWAYS stand up for yourself EVEN IF it is hard to do.
16 All the wonderful promises he makes about the future, never seem to happen. These are merely tools to lure you with so that you do not see his real flaws.
17 BEING FIRM does not make you a bitch, a bad person, a sad person or any of the names he may end up calling you. Especially when he feels he is losing his control and power over you.
18 Even if he had a bad previous relationship, or bad childhood…he should not treat you any lesser then you trully deserve. Don’t make excuses for him just cos you like him.

REMEMBER: If you do not allow yourself to care about his opinion of you, he will not be able to manoeuvre you.

So what do you do if you find yourself seeing all those signs…back off gently and gradually and do not accept this behaviour even if you feel you are in love with him. A controlling man – can not take control over you – you must give it to him first for him to have that power over you. So simply don’t cave into it. Be wary…not trying to make you paranoid by this article..but I hope it was interesting for you.

HAPPINESS starts with OURSELVES. You were happy before you met him…so you can be happy again if needs be. Never be a doormat to someone who will always have some degree of hostility towards you. Its not your fault if they do, its THEIR problem…


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