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Cat Power – Love and Communication

16 Sep
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Samantha James – Rise :)

27 Jun

Don’t lie ;)

24 May

Conflict Resolution…

24 May

Conflict Resolution

I have been wanting to write an article about this for some time. Conflicts can easily occur throughout our lives under various guises. My theory is that there are two different styles of conflict resolutions that can generally occur – which then branch out into sub-categories. 9 times out of 10 we seek to resolve our conflicts as soon as possible. In an effort to do so, we try to come up with ways that will settle a dispute amicably..therefore, conflict resolution can either be Constructive or Destructive.

Destructive Style – hinders or inhibits the conflict resolution process:

* Confrontational (win or lose, blaming)
* Sabotage (focus on weak points, shaming)
* Manipulation (blackmail, withdrawal)
* Giving in (passive, submissive)
* Avoidance (denial, withdrawal)

Constructive Style – trying to minimize the issues and avoiding the difficulties in resolving the problems:

* Compromise (meet halfway, understanding)
* Accommodate (open discussion, communication without confrontation)
* Partnership (solutions, forgiveness, honesty)

When trying to resolve conflicts, try to clarify your goals, as you will probably share many of the same goals despite your differences. Avoid bargaining, as this may lead to each party taking a rigid position which in turn can flare tempers.

When resolving conflicts, remember that their causes may run deep. Sweeping issues under the carpet isn’t going to work in the long term, as old baggage will be brought up each time an argument starts. Try to fully resolve each issue as it comes along. You may find the following method useful:

1. Ask the other person for their feelings. Your conflict probably isn’t about the issue that caused it to start in the first place. Don’t forget that your goal is sorting out the problem, not winning an argument! Sometimes losing can be winning too.

2. Ask the other person to define the problem. Stick to solving one problem at a time, that way you can understand each problem as the other person sees it.

3. Express your own feelings. Be careful to word them carefully, for example use phrases such as “I feel…” rather than “I think you…”

4. Define the problem as you see it. As your feelings come out, the solution may become clearer. Remember that by you listening to the other person; you will have set the tone for them to listen to you.

5. Create multiple solutions. Don’t go back to your original agenda. Aim to find alternative or creative solutions that reduce emotions and tension.

6. Rate the possible solutions. Remember that no one can force an unacceptable solution on the other.

7. Combine and create a mutually acceptable solution. Create something acceptable to both parties, if this doesn’t work – go back to step 1 and ensure both parties are being totally honest.

8. Be sure both parties agree to work towards resolving the issue.


Troubleshooting For Common Problems in Communication

Control or Power Issues: Effective communication cannot take place if one person has “control” over the other or where there is not mutual respect and equality of relationship. To stay in control leads to relational isolation as the underdog reacts in anger at being manipulated or belittled. So why go there? just care to differ. Its easier on both parties.


Triangulation
: Do not bring in a third party to avoid direct confrontation. If you have a problem with someone, go directly to that person where possible.

IM versus PM versus VM… :)

4 May

I guess there are no winners but I wonder what everyone’s
favourite way of communicating is if given a choice between
IM, PM and VM?? Feel free to leave a comment and tell me
which you think should be the winner! lol.

IM – Instant Message

Pros:

* If you can’t ring a person you can convey a message to them
in 140 characters or less….kinda like Twitter for the phone!

* If you fear confronting someone over something – its a good
way to communicate somehow and still get your message across
if needs be especially if you happen to feel awkward at the time.

Cons:

* You are limited to 140 characters before going into a secondary
message.

* It can make a relationship worse. Depends on how its used.

* Some people don’t reply to direct txt messages instantly or at
all which can then bring on disappointment to the sender. After
all its called IM which stands for ‘Instant Message’ so sometimes
it would be nice to get an ‘instant reply’ I suppose! Depends on
the situation like everything else.

PM – Personal Message/E-mail

Pros:

* You are not restricted and can write a huge e-mail if you so wish.

* You can refer to it at a later stage if needs be for whatever reason.

Cons:

* Its a bit inpersonal and there is no human interaction. Its all done
virtually.

* You can end up getting too many e-mails as its easy to write an
e-mail since you are less restricted character-wise.

VM – Voicemail

Pros:

* Its more personal to ring someone up and then leave them
a message to say you are thinking of them…

* Its way more thoughtful then IM and PM as it adds a human
touch to your message – or should I say voice.

Cons:

*You feel like you are having a conversation with yourself.

* You have to wait until you hear a beep just to leave
your message.

* It can be hard to leave a perfect message as you have
to improvise in a way.

* You have a short time span to convey a concise message.

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